8:45 nagata
gdgdごめんね～・・・orz
＜たっちーのcommunicationの原稿＞
These years the penetration rate of cellular phones has been increasing rapidly, and most minors have their own cellular phones (←これ言っちゃって平気かね？). They use cellular phones mainly in order to keep in touch with their friends. In the most daytime, minors stay at school and can meet friends there. However, the time which minors can spend on talking with friends is limited because they have to study during classes and go to a preparatory school or club activities after school. Therefore, minors don't have enough time to communicate with their friends, and cellular phones make up for their communication.
For example, they can talk about their troubles without being heard by someone. They are in the age of adolescence , so they need somebody talking with and their friend's advice. Everyone will hesitate to talk about their mental or physical problems in public place, but with a cellular phone, they can have a conversation secretly. Of course we also have wired phones, but they are the common equipments with our family, so we can’t use them freely.
I said that a cellular phone is good for minors' communication with their friends. In addition to this, there is another advantage for communication. Minors can communicate with not only their friends but also people all over the world by using a cellular phone.
(ともだちとのうちあわせ～～とか・・・何かたすならここなんだけど、どれにするかな・・？？？)
If we prohibit minors from using a cellular phone, precious opportunities to deepen friendship will be lost. It is very important for minors to come across many people. Thanks to a cellular phone, they learn that different people has different thinking. They also learn that the meeting with many people enriches their personality. Today, a cellular phone is essential for minors' growth. We should not prohibit but encourage minors to use a cellular phone properly
5:25 nagata
ごめん、どこ修正したかはよくわかんなくなっちゃった・・。
いちおう目立って修正したとこには下線
＜たっちーのsafetyの原稿＞
Cellular phones protect children from danger.
From parents' standpoint, cellular phones are very important tool for communication with their children. According to the research by a mobile company, more than 90 percent of parents think that their children’s safety is secured when they have cellular phones.
There are several reasons. For one thing, about 93 percent of parents say that they can contact with their children anytime by e-mail or telephone (phone call?). In addition to this, about 52 percent of parents point out that they can see where their children arebecause cellular phones have GPS(global positioning system).This can avoid the situation where children stray out of contact. Therefore, we can say that cellular phones are useful for protecting children not only in an emergency but also in daily life. I'll show youtwo examples.
いったんあげ
First, even if an earthquake occurs in the daytime, with a cellular phone, parents can contact with their children and confirm their safety. they can receive SOS from children and help them, too. According to the Meteorological Agency, These years earthquakes which made victims or broke buildings occurred about 6 or 7 times every year in Japan. （これまでの６，７倍危険な地震が起きてるってこと？何時に比べていつが？資料を。）（which節内は現在時制で一般論化していいのでは）Therefore, earthquake disasters are not rare, （←ここ繰り返しになってる。削ってよいのでは？）and we need a cellular phone in case of an emergency.
Secondly, even if children are late for returning home because of club activities or some lessons,(門限概念がない限りlate forは厳しいかもしれない・・・。でも「ただ遅い」んじゃなくて「予定より遅い」ことを言いたいんだよね。難しい) if they have cellular phones, parents can see why children are late and when they will come back. According to the research from a news media, (どこ？) three quarters of children have lessons such as a preparatory school, music lessons , sports club and so on. Most children don't go lessons near their home, so children often need parents' driving between home and classroom. With a cellular phone, children can call their parents if they want parents to pick them up.
Thanks to a cellular phone, communication between children and parents will be smoother, and children's life will be safer.
いったんあげ
5:08 nagata
冒頭部分の文法をいじってみました。
We accept their definition, but strongly oppose the government’s plan.
In this century, especially the young are exposed to a rapid progress of innovation of the technology since they are babies. The amount of information they can search has been increasing. That’s why they have to achieve media literacy. First I’d like to mention the government’s or protector’s role. Even though it(このitは・・・??) does harm, we shouldn’t take it away easily because their role is to watch over minors with clearing dangers for the purpose of their healthy growth. When you take video games away from your children and yell to do homework, it doesn’t work. It is because your children don’t want to do their homework, they start reading comic books, It won’t be solution.
<冒頭部分>
わーどうしようもないごめん。なんかまちがいだらけ、恥ずかしい・・・あしたがんばります。。。
We accept, but oppose the government’s plan.
In this century, especially the young are exposed to be a rapid progress of innovation of the technology since they are babies. The amount of information they can search has been increasing and the . That’s why they have to achieve media literacy. First I’d like to mention about the government or protector’s role. Even though it does harm, we shouldn’t take it away easily because their role is to watch over minors with clearing dangers for the purpose of their healthy growth. When you take tv game away from your children and yell to do homework. it doesn’t work. Because your children don’t want to do their homework, they start reading comic books, It won’t be solution.
＜たっちーのsafetyの原稿＞
A cellular phone protects children from danger.
From parents' standpoint, a cellular phone is very important tool for communicating with their children. According to the research from a mobile company, more than 90 percent of parents feel safe when their children have a cellular phone. There are several reasons. For one thing, about 93 percent of parents say that they can contact with their children every time by e-mail or telephone. In addition to this, about 52 percent of parents point out that they can recognize where children are now because a cellular phone have GPS(global positioning system). Therefore, we can say that a cellular phone is useful for protecting children not only in an emergency but also in daily life. I'll show two examples.
Firstly , even if an earthquake occurs at daytime, with a cellular phone, parents can contact with their children and confirm their safety. they can receive SOS from children and help them, too. According to the Meteorological Agency, recent years （ここ数年，という意味ならこの言い方は良くないと思われる。these yearsにしては？それか，recent year'sの間違いかな？それならそのままでいいと思います＊） earthquakes which made victims or broke buildings occurred about 6 or 7 times every year in Japan. Therefore, earthquake disasters are not rare, and we need a cellular phone in case of an emergency.
Secondly , even if children are late for returning home because of club activities or some lessons, with a cellular phone, parents can know why children are late and when they will come back. According to the research from a news media, three quarters of children have lessons such as a preparatory school, music lessons and sports club. Most children don't go to lessons near their home, so children often need parents' driving between home and classroom. With a cellular phone, children can call their parents if they want parents to pick them up.
Thanks to a cellular phone, communication between children and parents will be smoother, and children's life will be safer.
＜たっちーのcommunicationの原稿＞
Recent years (同上), the penetration rate of a cellular phone has increased rapidly（感覚的杉で申し訳ないんだけども，has been increasingのがいい気がします）, and most minors have their own cellular phone. They use cellular phone mainly in order to keep in touch with their friends. In the most daytime, minors stay at school and can meet friends there. However, the time which minors can spend on talking with friends is limited because they have to study during classes and go to a preparatory school or club activities after school. Therefore, minors don't have enough time to communicate with their friends, and a cellular phone make （単複注意，Sを複数形に）up for their communication.
For example, they can talk about their troubles without being heard by someone. They are in the age of adolescence （つづりミスなのでスルーおｋ）, so they need somebody talking with and their friend's advice. Everyone will hesitate to talk about their mental or physical problems in public place, but with a cellular phone, they can have a conversation secretly.
I said that a cellular phone （つづり（ｒｙ） is good for minors' communication among friends. In addition to this, there is another advantage for communication. Minors can communicate with not only their friends but also people all over the world by using a cellular phone. Since a cellular phone is connected to the Internet, everyone can send information to many many people in a moment. Now, a cellular phone has various functions such as writing diary, taking pictures, listening to music, reading and writing novels and watching animation. Through the Internet, minors can introduce their hobby or something interesting and make friends with foreign people. Even if you make a web site by a cellular phone, other people can see the site on PC, too. Therefore, people in the country which capacity of a cellular phone hasn't developed like Japan also can watch the web site and communicate with each other.
If we prohibit minors from using a cellular phone, precious opportunities to deepen friendship will be lost. It is very important for minors to come across many people. Thanks to a cellular phone, they learn that different people has different（つづり） thinking. They also learn that the meeting with many people enriches(つづり) their personality. Today, a cellular phone is essential for minors' growth. We should not prohibit but encourage minors to use a cellular phone properly
最終更新：2009年06月10日 08:46
